Porn Addiction Breaks a Marriage
Porn Addiction Recovery
Relationship Restoration
Betrayal Trauma Recovery
THE SOLUTION
LETS START from the beginning. Porn addiction or abuse does not simply happen, it develops. And seldom is it about sex. Yes, sex is a contributing factor that makes it perhaps the most difficult addiction to break. But it can be broken, mastered, or managed. You do not have to live life tied to porn. Like any other addiction, porn use follows a cycle of behavior. This cycle is well ingrained and automatic. It began long before porn became an issue. For most men, it began in early adolescence. Learning about one's sexuality begins when a young man discovers masturbation. From there, curiosity, excitement, and cure for lack of sexual outlets drives the young man to develop a habit of masturbation.
When pornography is also discovered in these developmental years, the result is a mental fusion, a cognitive connection of two or more events, beliefs, or sensations that become a strong neural pathway. These mental fusions become the root of habitual behavior, as well as desire for more. The brain learns to expect and then crave reinforcement of these fusions. Mental fusions create beliefs. Some good, some faulty. For porn addicts, porn plus masturbation in youth hijacks the natural urge to pair-bond with a real partner, replacing that bond with a bond to porn to drive success in masturbation.
CONJOINT COUNSELING:
NOT TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Conjoint therapy is a unique form of marriage work. It is used when the couple's situation does not lend itself to more traditional marriage work.
When relationship betrayal is recent or the effects on the couple is active, couples counseling is not likely to be effective. The high levels of pain and defensiveness blocks a couple's ability to trust and connect at the3 heart. When the heart feels unsafe, couples counseling will not work.
In conjoint work, the partners each work separately with a counselor, or pair of counselors as a team, to deal with their own feelings and coping skills. We prefer co-counseling teams working separately with the individuals. This way, both spouses have an advocate they know and trust. When deemed ready, they are brought together for more traditional couples work.
In short, the addict effectively becomes married to porn. Because of this mental fusion that leads to a pair-bond, the mind naturally resists any interference with the maintenance of the bond.
This is why porn addiction is so difficult to beat. As an addiction, we also see typical reactions to any attempt to break the hold of the addiction over the will of the addict. Resistance, blame-shifting, and emotional anxiety (often seen as anger) will be triggered. When the addict does commit to recovery, withdraw is experienced.
Our porn recovery program focuses on three major factors required in breaking free of this strong addiction.
1. We work on establishing a strong empathetic connection between the addict and the betrayed spouse.
2. We strengthen the addict to be able to accept the confrontation by their spouse, self, and others so that relapse is not triggered when their spouse needs assurance of safety, often demonstrated by anger and frustration, suspending trust, and withholding sexual intimacy.
3. We help the addict deconstruct harmful mental fusions that reinforce the addiction, effectively learning to break the cycle of addiction by breaking the chain of events that stimulate the urge or need to use porn.
This highly effective model uses a structured one-on-one Coaching Model, plus Support Group reinforcement, and spousal support throughout the process.
The initial Early Recovery period is generally 16 weeks, provided the addict-client cooperates. After care is provided to maintain sobriety from porn as long as you need it. Following success in early recovery, we then offer targeted marriage counseling/coaching, depending on the needs of the marriage and family, to begin repairing the relationship damage and opening the hearts of the couple to begin to reestablish trust and care.